October/November, 1999:
A Tale of Two Vans Pt. 2

October 27 Columbus, OH
Actually just driving to Columbus at this point. Spent the night in a mountain town in Virginia watching the end of the World Series and the Jerry Stiller roast. I don't watch pro baseball anymore since they stopped showing the antics of crazed fans that run out onto the field.

The Jerry Stiller roast had some good moments. We howled when a comedian whose name escapes me told Mr. Stiller he wouldn't fuck him "with Bea Arthur's dick."

Now I'm sitting in Little Brothers in Columbus. Trail of Dead is just starting. There was some heavy drama last time they played here. Seems the boys from Austin did some damage to the actual area and were asked to leave as a result. There was a funny article about it in the weekly. I think they'll be on their best behavior for tonight at least.

We just finished up our first day of tour attendance wagers. Laura always bets low- she has so little faith.
Earlier I was reminded of the last time we played Staches (the historic club on High Street that hosted most of the great bands of the 80's and 90's) in '93 and how we were treated to the sounds of Genesis emanating from Buckeye Stadium. I remember being disappointed that they didn't play enough songs from We Can't Dance. Can't win 'em all, I guess.

October 29 Driving to Cleveland
Just bought a new bass drum pedal at the percussion superstore in Columbus. There is nothing like being waited on by someone who is performing drum rudiments on a practice pad.

The show was ok last night. Snaked as usual on the attendance figures but that is standard here. The local crew was great as usual. Nice to see Paul Bearer again. Paul was a fixture in the early 80's Philly hardcore scene. The last time I saw him was at the Raleigh stop of the '95 Lollapalooza tour when he fronted the Bad Seeds (he was selling T-shirts for them) for three songs while a frantic search for Nick Cave was undertaken.
We were able to catch about ™ of the Larry David HBO fake documentary when we got to the hotel after the show. Pretty great. Best line from his stand up routine was, "The one good thing about Hitler was that he didn't take any shit from magicians."

We haven't played in Cleveland since '95. Didn't go so good that time. Hope some people come out.
Later, after the show. It's really late and I am beat. Possibly one of the strangest shows ever. More later.
Ok. This might be my last entry for a few days. See you back in the lower 48.

October 30 Toronto
Sitting with Eric Bachmann backstage at Lee's Palace. Lee's was passed off as a New York rock/dance club in a 1994 movie of the week based on the ascent of the pop singer Madonna. Anyone 'member what it was called? I don't. I remember a scene from the "film" in which "Madonna" is standing out on the curb in front of Lee's/Danceteria circa '82, leaning up against a post bearing a flyer for the as-yet-unformed rock group All. Don't these filmmakers know that we punk rock scientists are out here?

Ok, Cleveland. The club was beyond packed. Packed with quite a few meatheads who, I'm sorry to say, came close to ruining the evening (for me anyway). One cool guy wearing a Cartman T could not bear being just a spectator for any portion of the night. He was making his presence known to all the performers (Trail, E.B. and us) from the very first note of the evening. He was in Mac's face for most of the first 5 songs. I don't know if it bugged Mac but I was getting more and more annoyed as time went by. Finally, I told him to move away from the stage (a gesture that was applauded by a portion of the crowd). He was onstage during the next song ("Smarter Hearts") and that was enough for me. We stopped about ã into it and he just stood there with his pants hanging halfway off and his sweat soaked South Park shirt hiked up to his nipples, trying to get the crowd on his side!

At this point, our boy Eric abandoned his keyboard station and picked Mr. Personality up and began carrying him offstage. I announced that since he wasted our time, we were entitled to his Cartman shirt. He kept screaming that he loved the shirt and put up an impressive fight. By this point he was on his back and Eric and I were on top of him. He was then carried out in drunken disgrace. There were a few cheers but there were also several "assholes" hurled our way. I spent the rest of the show watching a small group of lunkheads take over the "pit" during the encore section and get into fights. Thanks to everyone who was cool.

The show might have been one of our longest, what with the scraps and Mac's broken strings. Hope they savored it 'cause it may be another four years.

October 31 Driving
Today I am 33. I didn't drink last night so I actually feel quite a bit younger today. I'm having a hard time locating fake facial hair, the final piece of my Fred Durst costume for this evening's show. The centerpiece of my outfit is a Fuckin Gonuts T-shirt I was lucky enough to find in a bargain bin at the record store near the Grog Shop. TJ Max provided me with the baggy pants.
Toronto was rockin'. Mac and I joined Eric onstage for one of his numbers. I think we did ok.

November 1 London, ONT
Sitting in the "hotel" above the Embassy. This whole town seems dead. I think all of Canada is partied out after Halloween weekend. I can't imagine anyone will be at this show. Now I remember why we never play on Monday night. Eric says the Loaf was huge in London, I hope so, for our sake. The Supersuckers are playing down the street tonight.

Last night was quite a scene. I'm setting the drums up and I spot our good friends Phil Morrison (directorial genius -see the "Makin' Videos" section of the "Archives" page- and founding member of the band Saturn) and Joe Ventura (funnyman extrordinaire/Chef Boyardee poster kid). They flew up to be with us on my special day. What a great surprise. Thanks guys. Phil was reprising his role of several Halloweens ago as Cigarboxfaceman.

We did a quick check and proceeded to a Greek restaurant where I proceeded to consume too much wine. An hour and a half later we were back at the club putting the finishing touches on our costumes. For those of you who weren't able to watch the simulcast of the show on www.junolink.com\quickview36\~rckshw\hllwn_schnk~31, it went something like this:

Cigarfaceboxman: People of Montreal! Please welcome Frankenstein's monster·

Mac lumbers out in greenface, neck bolts and small blazer looking quite like the real McCoy.

Frankenstein's Monster: AAArrgghh!

Cigarboxfaceman:·and Hannibal Lechter and Limp Bizkit's Fred Durst!

I, dressed as the spokesman for a new generation in Mac's orange down jacket, backwards baseball cap and soul patch (duct tape), in addition to the aforementioned "Fuckin' Gonuts" T-shirt and baggy pants, wheel a straightjacketed, facemasked Laura Balance out onto the stage.

Durst: What's up y'all? I came into this world as a reject·

Lechter (voice supplied by Joe at the soundboard): Frankenstein's monster! Limp Bizkit's Fred Durst and I are going to eat you with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

We opened with Bowie's "Scary Monsters" ("Monster Mash" had too many chords) and I proceeded to turn in one of the worst performances of my life. It was as if the sticks were coated with butter. I must have dropped 8 of them. I also turned the beat around at least twice. My apologies to everyone involved. I'm going to cool it with the pre-show drinking from here on out. The "It's my birthday" excuse only works once a year. Sent "Fishing" out to the Asexuals and Doughboys, both of whom it turns out, had members in attendance.

Finished the night at Le Biftec, a local hangout just up the street from the club.

November 2 Driving to the U.S.A
Almost at the border. For some reason, we always get hassled more going back into the U.S. Damn Americans.

Felt like I was sleepwalking through most of yesterday. Long drives will do that to you. It's hard to get back to normal after a 9-hour drive. My spirits were elevated when a nice young man presented me with a homemade apple pie he baked for my birthday. Thanks again, my friend!

I wandered over to the pawnshop located next to this morning's diner and tried to find something on which to spend my last five Canadian bucks. I left the store the proud owner of used copies of Kiss' Destroyer and The The's Soul Mining.

Surely some of you are aware of my sick fascination with Kiss. I loved them as a 10-year old and rediscovered them in my late-20's to be the "World's Worst Band." One of my friends once told me that I am probably the world's only Kiss fan who doesn't like their music. Angie once threatened to kick me out of the house when she discovered me sitting in the basement transcribing the lyrics to Dressed To Kill's "Room Service"*.

Later in Milwaukee. The others have gone to a bar to watch sports. I'm watching Charlie Sheen turn in the performance of his life in the classic film Major League.

*Quite possibly the world's worst song. The lyrics, written by Paul, describe the trials of life on the road. The first verse finds Mr. Stanley alone in his hotel room. He's about to turn the light out and call it a night when the phone rings and a sultry voice asks if he's "too tired or just too dead for some room service." In the second verse, our hero sits alone in an airport bar. He hears that his flight has been cancelled. He is about to grab his coat and leave when " a stewardess in a tight blue dress says, 'I got the time'" and pretty soon she's "down on her knees, beggin' please/and right before I leave I get some room service." Verse three portrays the Lover as felon. I will transcribe the verse in its entirety:

Hangin' round in my hometown and the girls are treating me real good/Sweet 16, looking hot and mean, says, "I wish you would"/And just as I'm about to tell her "yes, I think I will"/I see her dad/He's getting mad/He knows I'm in need of room service.

November 3 Milwaukee, WI
Sitting in the hotel watching the news reports of this week's shooting sprees. 2 dead in Seattle, 7 in Hawaii. Woke up to news reports of a burning building just two blocks from our hotel. Yeesh.

Walked around town for quite a while and picked up some books at a big, moldy store. It seems we are playing in the smaller bar room of the Rave Club tonight. The Buzzcocks are in the big room. Are there enough fans of this kind of music in Milwaukee to warrant this kind of double-booking? We shall see. Maybe people go back and forth between shows. I saw the Buzzcocks in Chappy two weeks ago and they were quite good. I actually got to sit in with them for a couple songs at their soundcheck when they played the Cradle in 1991. Ex-Smith's (and then Buzzcock) drummer Mike Joyce wasn't around and I was filling in with the opening band. We did "I Don't Mind" and "Ever Fallen in Love?", and it remains a high point of my musical career. I mentioned this to Pete Shelley at their recent gig and he had absolutely no memory of it. Funny how that stuff goes.

November 4 Driving
Goodbye Milwaukee. The Rave is a huge music complex located near the Marquette campus. It used to be a very happening nightspot in the days of the first wave of a kind of music called "swing." There are two large concert rooms and a smaller bar area. I spent quite a bit of time perusing the large "rock collages" that hung every ten feet. The photos were mainly of performers of the late-'80's soft-metal variety (I'm sure most of you have seen the commercial for the Power Ballads compilation that airs just about every 20 minutes on all networks. That ad contains what may be the greatest bit of copy I've ever heard: "They taught us how to live, they taught us how to love").

As I took in the photos of these masters of kick-ass tunage, I actually began to look back fondly on the 3 ¸ years I spent selling Winger, Great White, Bullet Boys (can you really tell me you've forgotten their anthem, "Bless Me Father For I Have Rocked"?) and Kingdom Come tapes (for some unknown reason cassettes were the format of choice for 80% of the population in the late 80's) to the dolts that frequented Tape World (could I actually invent a name like this?!)in the Hanes Mall in Winston-Salem, NC.

The show was pretty good. People actually came out. Great to see old friends from 8 years ago like Keith and Janet. Keith was the bass player in Die Kruezen, one of the great bands of the modern era. Brian/Herman (DK's guitarist) also attended. Hope I didn't embarrass them by wearing my October File T-shirt. Gotta fly the colors when you're on their turf. Thanks friends.

November 5 St. Louis
Hotel. Had a bit too much Bud tonight. How can you not when playing with GBV in the town in which their primary source of fuel is produced? We opened and loved it. I really like playing 1st and having to get it all in in a short amount of time. I think it was one of our better showings. Local legend Beatle Bob introduced us.

Pulled into town with Still Feel Gone in the cans. Sun Ball is rumored to be playing their last shows for quite a while at this club in a week and a half. Wish I could be there for it.

GBV did it up beer-style as usual. Bob even sent "I am A Tree" out to me in remembrance of his and my birthday (10/31). Jim McPhereson=one of the greats. Pete and Gillard too. They played lots of new numbers from Bob's soon to be released solo LP. Mac got up onstage to co-sing "Echos Myron" and only threw up once. Also met GBV webmaster Rich. Good stuff. Bob took offense to the "fact" that they only "rock" according to Rock, Rot and Rule, I told him it was because they have too many songs. We do it all over again tomorrow night.

November 6 Columbia
Actually on the way to the awesome Vintage Vinyl record store in St. Louis. Hoping to score Albert Brooks' A Star is Bought album. I'll settle for the Nuke Your Dink comp. Man, the weather is f'in' great today! It is in the 70's and people are losing their shit as a result. I just saw a guy walking down Locust St. in a Speedo, his power suit slung over his shoulder.

Do you remember Grasshopper, our waiter @ the Route 66 Diner in Albuquerque? I just received an e-mail informing me that he got himself a raise as a result of his appearance in A Tale of Two Vans Pt.1. His boss said it was for "promoting the restaurant through obscure channels." It's nice to be able to help.

No luck with Albert Brooks but I did pick up some Church, Bob and Ray and Misfits CDs. I had truly forgotten the sheer comic brilliance of Glenn Danzig's lyrics. For those of you unfamiliar with his oeuvre, imagine some of the absolutely catchiest pop songs you've ever heard hammered out by a marginally talented bunch of yabbos (I mean this in the best possible way) from Northern New Jersey and sung by perhaps the most gifted vocalist to emerge from the post-'77 punk scene. Oh, I forgot to mention the crucial ingredient in this recipe: some of the most hysterically horrific and gruesome prose that mine ears have ever heard.

A sample:

I send my murdergram to all those monster kids/It comes right back to me signed in their parent's blood -"All Hell Breaks Loose"

When I want your blood I rip your throat/Your blood I rip your throat/To taste your blood -"We Bite"

Later. Man, we are by no means in our "power alley" on this part of the tour. The power alley is a string of towns the band does well in. Columbia, Memphis, Nashville, Birmingham and New Orleans have never been our strongest cities. Even the mighty GBV couldn't help us overcome our tradition of playing to a half-filled Blue Note in Columbia. The Blue Note is actually one of my favorite venues (great stage, great crew, easy load-in, fabulous restaurant next door) in the U.S. and I always look forward to playing there -I just wish people would actually come see us when we do.

Bob Pollard joined us onstage for "Slack Motherfucker" and brought the house down. I played the dunka-dunka-dunka-dunka "New Day Rising" drum intro at the end of the song in tribute to the Huskers who played their final gig ever @ the Note. GBV were hot. Mac and I both found ourselves onstage for "Echoes Myron" and I am kicking myself for being in the toilet when Bob fell into Jim's drums during the next song. Can't win 'em all. We said our sad good-byes afterwards and split for the hotel. I would love to do an entire tour with the GBV'ers but I seriously doubt that I could survive it.

November 7 Memphis
Pulling out of Memphis. We have never done well in Memphis (this was our 7th time) and I am always surprised to find out that a promoter is willing to bring us back. First, let me say that anyone even attempting to open an "indie/punk" venue in this town has my utmost respect. It just seems like a losing prospect to me. There just don't seem to be enough people interested in the genre for such a venture to be successful.

The club was located in an unmarked building on a corner in what appeared to be a deserted part of town. On the inside it looked exactly like any number of rented-out halls I used to attend in the early '80's to see bands with names like Insanity Defense, Sand in the Face, Seeds of Terror and The Blunder Boys. The stage was seemingly made of plywood and the P.A. too small and not so happening. The soundman (he and his system were hired for the evening) was overheard responding to someone inquiring as to whether or not the band had arrived by saying, "No they haven't, and they'd be well within their rights to leave when they see this P.A." The sound for Trail of Dead was just a huge sound smear. Eric sounded better because he plays that folk music stuff. I'm sure we were a blur also. Jim seemed sick.

Unfortunately, like most of our Memphis experiences, it was one of those gigs that you just end up trying to get through. We were also sprayed with beer by a leather jacketed punker dude who later told Mac that "I sprayed Guitar Wolf last week and he took it as a compliment." Maybe in your universe, son.

Enough negativity right? We were delighted to see our old friend Dewitt Burton (from Athens, GA) waiting for us inside the club. Dewitt was our tech from '95-97 (he can be seen in the "Snapshots" section of this site) and has since put his put his maglight and Fastfret aside for the more cerebral career of college administration work. You will miss those 10 hour drives in cramped quarters someday, my boy. Dewitt went out of the rock world in style this summer as a drum tech on R.E.M.'s Up tour. I'm actually surprised he is still talking to me after he pulled several strings to get me backstage for their Raleigh performance and I thoroughly embarrassed him and myself (his words) by running out onstage and doing an interpretive dance during "Fall on Me". I only got as far as the first "What is it up in the air for" before Dewitt, tears in his eyes, was dispatched to cart me offstage. He's the kind of guy that doesn't harbor a grudge.

Met lots of kids that traveled great distances to attend last night's show, including two nice young ladies from Long Island and two nice young ladies from Little Rock. I lost my place several times watching the intense dancing of one of the Little Rockers. I feel bad that these people witnessed what was definitely one of our worst sounding shows of all-time.

As we loaded out we were treated to the sounds of an incredibly drunk man's cries of, "I guess I'm not cool!" as his friends tried to shove him into the back seat of their Nova.

Nashville November 9
Up early. I took some Melatonon last night and was unable to sleep past 9:00 AM. I'm sitting in the hipster coffee shop in Elliston Square behind the venue. I'm having a cup of tea and relishing the fact that neither Jim nor Mac is here. See, I don't drink coffee and whenever they see me holding a coffee cup they feel it's humorous to ask if I'm having a "cup of Joe" or "good morning America". These are just two of the catch phases they have been annoying me with for the past 8 years. My least favorite of all-time is their exclamation, "Ouch, the van's stitches!" whenever we hit a pothole. Of course I do secretly love the whole process of hearing them say it and letting them know how much I hate it. It kills a good 30 seconds of travel tedium.

I've always liked playing the Exit In. The club is a dive in the best possible way. It seems they had "nicened" up the place since our last visit. The backstage was a little cleaner and the bathrooms were actually a pleasure to enter. The Exit In is a legendary venue that has hosted many of the music world's finest artist's -as the new "Wall of Fame" will attest. The WOF is in actuality a partial listing of the legendary performers that have graced the club's stage (Waylon Jennings, Ramones, Willie Nelson, The Police, Steve Martin, Merle Haggard, Talking Heads, Better Than Ezra, etc) written on what appears to be 8 large strips of masking tape. The Exit is where George Jones' infamous "Donald Duck show" took place. Suffering from a severe case of nerves/alcoholism/insanity, the Possum proceeded to sing his entire set in the voice of the yellow-beaked, white-feathered Disney character.

About halfway through the set I noticed two limos pulling up across the street. As we played, I fantasized of a massive jam session comprised of us guys, Billy Gibbons (ZZ Top were in town that night playing with Lynyrd Skynyrd -Billy is actually a huge Archers fan-this is true) and Johnny Rzeznick and Robbie Takac (Goo-Goo's were also in town and are apparently fans of ours). Never happened. The limos, it turns out, contained members of the new Nashville hockey team, whom upon hearing our noise, made a beeline for the TGIF's next door. After much rehearsal (does two times qualify as much?) we finally unleashed the Archers of Loaf nugget "Harnessed in Slums" (Eric played guitar and Jim bellowed the lyrics). The place exploded when the song kicked in. It's a shame our egos won't allow us to play it again and risk being upstaged by someone else's songwriting prowess.

Had a fantastic day off in Nashville yesterday. The weather was beautiful. Caught a shuttle bus to Harvey Washbangers (call information in the 615 area code if you don't believe me) and did laundry. Eric, Jim and I went to a club later that night and watched a local band perform. I don't even want to get into it right now.

November 10 Driving
Oh, Deep South, why do you forsake us so? Ladies and gentlemen, I am saddened to inform you that a 6-year Superchunk low-attendance record was broken last night. 81 people. That's only a drop of 420 from the last time we played the 5 Points Music Hall. Granted, last time ('97) was the first time we'd ever played in Alabama and it was a Saturday night (Valentine's Day) but jeez, y'know? Might have had something to do with the complete absence of promotion some of the attendees were telling us about. It seems now more than ever the night of the week we're playing means the difference between a crowd and a cave. This is what happens when most of your fans have real jobs. I say we buy a small plane, christen it "The Marion Brown" and do only weekend shows from here on out.

The 5 Points is a classy establishment. Great facilities, backstage, sound and crew -it's a shame we'll probably never get to play there again. Tough town for rock.

Turned on the tube this morning and watched a few minutes of Scooby Doo. I tip my hat to the agent that represented the Harlem Globetrotters in the 70's and early-80's. He was able to get them written into at least three high profile non-basketball-related television programs during this period: Scooby Doo, The Brady Bunch Cartoon and the immortal Escape From Gilligan's Island. A dollar to the first person (besides Ira if he's reading this) that can name the classic film head 'trotter Meadowlark Lemon has a cameo in.

Sitting in the backstage area of the Howling Wolf. Just got back from Felix's where I had some nice shrimp served up by one of the meanest waitresses I've ever encountered. Three of the Trail of Dead boys are sitting with me. Good fellas. Last time they were here they were relieved of their van. Hard to rebound from that. It's funny (but probably not to them) to see just how badly the papers and clubs mangle Trail of Dead's name. For the record, it's ·And You Shall Know Us By The Trail of Dead. The listing in Nashville had them as "You Shall Know Us·" Tonight's poster reads, "And You Shall Know Them·" Conrad said the worst one was "And You Will Know Us by the Trials of Death." I told them they should change it to "The Death."

November 11 New Orleans
Woke up in absolute hysterics this morning. The dream: It is present day and I am living in Harleysville, PA -the small farming town where I grew up. I am visiting my new friend (I am a high school student in the dream) Ben Stiller at his home -an old 18th century farmhouse he shares with his parents. I chat briefly with his father Jerry (best known for his role as George Costanza'a crotchety father on Seinfeld). Jerry tells me of his passion for computers and we talk about interesting websites we've come across. I go over to his PC and type in a URL. The site originates in England and its address ends in ".UK " instead of ".com." We check out the site (I don't know what it contained) and I go off to Ben's room. A minute later we hear shouting coming from the upstairs bathroom. We run up to find that a pipe has burst. "What did you guys do?" Jerry screams. I tell him that I haven't been in the bathroom or done anything since typing that address into his computer. Jerry blows a gasket. He starts pulling his hair out and exclaims that his computer isn't set up to access any web address not ending in ".com." He is convinced this is the reason for the plumbing problem. He kicks me out of the house. I tell Ben I'll see him in school on Monday. I ride home in the band's van. Any dream interpreters out there?

We already have a winner in the Meadowlark Lemon quiz. Laura from Little Rock is the proud owner of 100 shiny new pennies. Way to go girl! I'm going to wait a few days to see if anyone else guesses correctly before posting the correct answer.

Rock show was good until Mac's amp crapped out. The tubes must have died at some point during the last 1/3 rd of the set. Years ago, Dewitt Burton guitar teched for the Irish band Therapy? One day their guitarist was "catching his sound" and complained in his thick Irish accent that "My guitar sounds like a banjo!" This became a catchphrase of sorts for us in the ensuing years. I think Mac, though visibly irked at the situation, was secretly pleased to be able to use the phrase in a real-life situation -and onstage no less! He also commented that his guitar sounded "like ass."

Returned to the hotel, flipped on the TV and the first thing I saw was the face of Minor Threat drummer Jeff Nelson. The camera panned right to reveal the other three members of the group: Ian, Brian (see January's diary) and Lyle as they appear on the front of the Salad Days EP. Had MT finally announced their reformation?! Turns out the local news was doing a report on the "straight edge phenomenon." They profiled several subsets of the main movement and I must say my favorite was the one whose members neither drink nor smoke but are admitted necrophiliacs.

Later. We're in Houston now. Mac is watching his beloved Duke play another team on television. I cannot stress how much I loathe watching basketball. I think it stems from the childhood experience of being punched in the stomach by an older boy wearing a Cleveland Cavaliers T-shirt. I went on a low budget shopping spree today at the Flying J truck stop near Lake Charles, LA. I took full advantage of their "Audio Book Blowout" and walked out the proud owner of Dennis Rodman: As Nasty As I Wanna Be, Henny Youngman's World's Worst Jokes, Jonathan Winters: Into The '90's and Steve Allen Presents America's Greatest Funnymen. Also picked up a novelty condom that is supposed to smell of hot fudge. Mmmm!

November 13 Houston
I'm sitting in the van waiting for the others to come out. The concert @ Fitzgerald's was a good 'un. Once again I had a problem concentrating on the job at hand. This time it was the -please pardon the expression- "hot girl-on-girl action" taking place on the dance floor during the last couple songs. The public display of affection between two young ladies is by no means a common occurrence at a Superchunk show. Mac and I both turned to one another the second we got offstage and said, "Oh my God, did you see that?!" A rare treat.

A local chap named Rene presented each of us with an original piece of artwork right before the show. He told Jim it was for helping him get through school. I guess those rumors about Jim having an illegitimate son are true after all. This is, of course, a joke. I need to be careful when writing these entrees and speaking to the press. Yesterday I did an interview with a woman @ a paper in Orlando and she was completely willing to believe me when I told her that Jim is training to become a sex therapist. You would think I'd have learned my lesson after the Indoor Living bio debacle of '97. I was asked to write the thing and thought I did a pretty good job of it. So what if I said we invested $140,000 in a vintage steam organ, and that any song under consideration for the album needed to sound "good" when played on it to make the cut. This little embellishment -there were at least six others- caused us untold headaches when it came time to do interviews for the tour. I was shocked that people actually believed we would purchase something as ridiculous as a steam organ. I was even more shocked that people thought we actually possessed $140,000. I have been since banished to the back of the stage where I sit, quietly planning my comeback.

November 14 Houston (again!)
Ugh. Red Willow is on the fritz again. We only got as far as the west side of Houston before the van started to act up. Luckily, we found an open service station with a mechanic that was willing to check it out. There is a problem with the ignition system that has caused another problem involving the distributor. The parts won't be available 'til the morning, so here we sit in the hotel watching Sex In The City. The van should be patched up by mid-morning and we hope to get to Pensacola by 9:00 PM tomorrow night. We'll do our best to get there.

Always a pleasure to play in Austin and Saturday night was no exception. This was our first time at La Zona Rosa -the club that seems to have filled the void left by the legendary Liberty Lunch. Jim never liked playing LL because of its horrendous prison-like bathroom amenities: a stainless steel trough and a completely unenclosed commode. I thought that was part of the venue's charm. Eh, maybe not.

LZR is a fine facility. Great backstage, sound, stage and crew. That really does make all the difference in the world for me. I'd be lying if I said I truly enjoyed playing places like the Grog Shop, Gabe's Oasis, the Last Place On Earth and the Embassy Hotel. I don't. I'd love to be able to play venues like La Zona Rosa, The Metro, Fillmore and Bowery Ballroom every night, but that ain't the reality of the situation. This doesn't mean I'm in misery when you see me playing at these places, it's just that 8 years down the road, it is -to quote the Buckingham's- kind of a drag. What are you gonna do?

Anyhoo, Eric went on first so that local sons Trail of Dead could have a more triumphant homecoming, and boy did they tear it up A.Y.W.K.U.B.T.T.O.D-style. The audience watched in awe as Jason lobbed his snare drum across the stage and Neil batted it into the audience with his bass. They then proceeded to play two full innings of "baseball". The game was called when the only remaining bat, Conrad's guitar, broke in half.

November 15 Driving
The van is fixed. The garage even dispatched an employee to deliver it to us @ our hotel. Looks like we'll make it by 8:00.

November 16 Pensacola
We're about to pull out of the hotel and head to Tallahassee. Last night's show was actually better than we thought it would be. The club -the legendary Sluggo's- was kind of a dive, but the folks that ran it were great and there were actually quite a few enthusiastic people in attendance. The sound system was still being worked on when we arrived @ 8:30. It looked like they were putting in new speakers into the bass bins. One of these very speakers apparently caught fire during the first Trail of Dead number. Don't know how it sounded out front for us; it was definitely one of the worst onstage sounds in memory. The part of the stage my drums were on was uneven so I had to have a little lighter touch than usual; the high hat and rack tom seemed like they would fall over if hit with too much force. We went on 45 minutes later than scheduled because of Trail Of's habitual tardiness. I love these boys; they just need to play by the rules. Jim had a talk with them.

This was our first visit to Pensacola in 8 years. Last time was also a Monday night. Sluggo's was apparently booked so the promoter, Gus Brandt (one of the finest people I know -I am proud to say he is my friend), booked us into a place called Apple Annies. That gig is still at the top of our "most unusual venue played" list. The audience totaled 20 and we played on a brass-railed stage in a restaurant that looked remarkably like a Chili's. The high point was a pre-Chunk set by Simply Pen. Pen Rolling's (Breadwinner, Honor Role, Scooter U.K.)was our T-shirt vendor on that trip and he delighted the crowd with a heartwarming, solo acoustic rendition of the old Loudness gem "Rock and Roll Crazy Nights." I remember being eaten alive by fire ants while sitting in Gus' front lawn the next day. Funny what stays with you.

November 17 St. Petersburgh
Haven't been able to update this for a few days, sorry. Backstage @ the State theater (I like it!). Trail of Dead are currently rockin'. In case any of you are wondering, Trail of Dead have requested that they set their drums up on the floor of the stage and not the drum riser. I've always hated the way it looks when a headlining band makes the opener set up in front of their drums and we always try to give the opening band the option of using the riser if they want to.

I'm happy to say that the Gene Loves Jezebel/Mission U.K./Mike Peters extravaganza happening down the street hasn't had much impact on our turnout; we lost most of our Goth following when Jim stopped wearing the black lipstick. We just got word that GLJ have turned down our request for an end of set mega jam on "Desire", something to do with our lack of "showmanship" or something. I've been seven days without alcohol and I feel pretty good about it. I think my attitude is quite a bit better than it was a week ago. I no longer feel the need to shove people into the street. Baby steps.

Man, this Egypt Air story is bizarre, no? First thing we do when we get back to the hotel every night is turn on the news and see what new piece of the puzzle the black box has turned up. Of course after we find out we switch to Baywatch Nights.

So, ok. The answer to the Meadowlark Lemon quiz was·Modern Romance. Several people guessed correctly. We also had about ten guesses of The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh. Don't know if I'd call that one a classic, but I guess it is a correct guess. I should've been more specific and stated that it was a non-basketball flick (I'm trying to bring this term back into use -won't you help me?).

Later. Great show. A strange mix of great, cool folks and absolute freaks. Crazy people backstage -one even helped themselves to $100.00 that was in Neil's (Trail of Dead) bag. Fuck you. 'Member the crazy guy who was last seen hanging from our van's door handle last time we played in Tampa? He was (unfortunately) in the house tonight. He jumped up onstage during our final number ("Driveway") and would not leave. He just didn't understand that we didn't want him up there. The kid was finally taken offstage and we finished the song. He reappeared during the encore section - he made his prescence known during "Slack"- and once again tried to mount the stage. By this time a bouncer was at the ready and tried to push him back into the pit. Our hero was not about to give up that easily; he kept on frantically trying to join us. I have never seen such rage on a human being's face. This kid was frightening. He was eventually tossed out of the building. "Slack" was to be the final song of the evening, but I didn't want to end the night on a bad note so I called out for "Precision Auto" as a pallet cleanser of sorts. Young man, I am seriously recommending that you seek out professional help.

Ok, I'm out.

Wait, there's more!